Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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