tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
