It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i think i just lost a toe
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
