Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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