If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My dick has a subreddit
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
