If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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