Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Randomize
