dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
