i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i love accidental penises.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
