My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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