It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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