i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
