the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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