We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
