I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
