three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
