I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
