you win again, gameday.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
