He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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