He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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