gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
