I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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