My liver just broke up with me...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
