We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Alive.
So much puke
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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