I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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