The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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