I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
