just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
