We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Green mimosas i think yes
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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