Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
