Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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