Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The air taste purple.
Randomize
