I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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