If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
