My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
