You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
