i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
