she woke up with a sticky ear
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
