oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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