I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
