I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
what day is it and did you see me today?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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