my sisters under your porch take her home
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
