Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
