I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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