Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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