He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
