Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize
