Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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