tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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