You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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