There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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