hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
