3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
