Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
