If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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