just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You're like the curious george of whores
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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