I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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