We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
