Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
