you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
