I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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