I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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