You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
