i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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