I have demons in me.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
