The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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