How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
