Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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