i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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