but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
