got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
