So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
