bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
