LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
