I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
