I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize
