Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
