just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
