Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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