i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
