even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
